Is your relationship in crisis and you simply don’t know what to do to bring back the passion that characterized it when you were lovebirds? Don’t throw in the towel yet, disaster can still be avoided if you’re smart enough to salvage the things that matter most in your couple. It may look a daunting task, that’s true, but after all your relationship is the most important thing you have in your life, right? Right?
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You need to put all your effort into it
If you didn’t answer “yes” to the question above you’re in big trouble. The first thing you need to save your relationship is mostly commitment. A lot of. But you will never commit if you don’t realize how important this marriage is to your own happiness. If you took the big step and married your partner, you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with her or him. And there’s no other way to explain how important this should be for you. In that moment you decided that there will be no more “me” or “you”, but a “us,” meaning that things were meant to be done together. So whatever you’re going to do, you need to put all your effort into it.
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Cut the fighting, spend more quality time together
Every time you start talking it always ends up in a heated argument about jealousy, reciprocal accusations and general dissatisfaction? You’re probably venting all your frustration and anger on each other for no particular reason, and that’s not good. Take a break! Sometimes the best way to communicate is to just stop talking. When it was the last time you spent some quality time together by appreciating the silence or leaving your bodies do the talk? Do something romantic like watching the sunset together, plan a trip, or simply have some fun in the bedroom.
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Don’t be ashamed to seek for couples therapy
Couples counseling is an extremely helpful and efficient way to improve your relationship in a few months. Sometimes seeking professional help is all you need to get both partners on the same page again. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. You may simply lack the objectivity needed to fix things when you’re too involved, and some external advice is maybe all you needed from the start. Couples counseling doesn’t cost as much as you may think, also. Most couples just require 5-6 sessions to get back on track, and it’s a worthy investment. At an average of $100 per session, a small budget of $500 is usually enough to save your relationship.
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Don’t try to change your spouse
He (or she) is what he is. You can’t change that, and, what’s even more important, you should not try to change that. You chose your companion for what he or she is, and you have to accept his personality, not trying to shape it into what you want. You’re not going to “improve” anything, you’re just forcing your partner into defensiveness, creating even more distance. How did you feel if someone told you you’re not good the way you are and you had to “improve”? If you don’t like the way he or she is, why did you pick him in the first place? Accepting him or her the way he is will simply save you both plenty of stress and troubles.
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Stop the blame game
Conflicts cannot be resolved by pointing the finger at each other. Everyone must take full responsibility for his own mistakes, starting from you. He or she is not the reason why everything is crumbling down more than you are. Why the person you used to love is so angry at you now? Put yourself in her shoes once in a while, try to see things with her own eyes. You may change your perspective on a lot of your behaviors you thought were normal, but actually just made her mad. Eliminate all the angry blaming and shaming that make your relationship toxic. Just focus on what you can do to make things better, and things will eventually get better.
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Be caring and appreciative
He spent all day working to provide for your family and household. She spent her whole afternoon preparing your dinner and taking care of your children. When was the last time you told her “thank you” for all she does? A simple gesture of appreciation or gratitude can go a long way to build a more positive relationship. Being married means taking care of each other, and care must be demonstrated with actions as well as words. Learn to act lovingly: by doing so you will awaken your own love for your spouse and stimulate their love for us.
Even if you feel tired or angry with your spouse now, don’t lose hope! Things can go better if you keep fighting, so never give up!